I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
