I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
