My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
