I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
