Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
