I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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