sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
