You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
