I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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