She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
