You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The Olympian is in my bed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
