things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
