I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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