He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
