I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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