There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
