He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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