I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
