just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
