She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
