PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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