Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
