I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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