Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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