How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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