I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You took a bar mat shot.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
