is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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