and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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