I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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