woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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