I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
