Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
