My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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