I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
