Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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