I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
