omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
