I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
