And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
