I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
