Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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