i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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