well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
