just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
