I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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