Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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