is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
