Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
