If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
