It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
