It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
that is very illegal...i love you.
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