we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
