Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
