That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
