dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
