i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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