Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
