possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
