That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
