Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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