I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
