Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
there is glitter all over my balls
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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