I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize