you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
