i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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