hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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