Umm I'm too high to move.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
