Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
