First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
