I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
