Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
