You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
