Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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