Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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