Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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