so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
These tits shall not be calmed
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